Recontextualizing me

(art by Danielle Duer)

A dear friend of mine once said something about me that has been replaying in my mind recently. Actually she's said MANY things about me and lots of them stick. She has that gift, of insight into my personality at times, and the trust in our friendship to actually offer observations when she gets them, which I treasure. I don't remember when this comment was made, but I believe I was living in Sonoma at the time at the Barn House. She said something to the effect of "You ask a lot of people about your situations...". Implying, I felt, at the time that I really should look within myself for the truth of the matter. I have counselors you see, I ask friends about things, I get readings, I search on the internet, I read, I do tarot layouts. Since she mentioned that I really thought about it. Was I looking to others for the answer? Maybe I was! Maybe I didn't know my own truths! I did something else that may be familiar to you, I immediately turned this into a negative. I've been mulling this around lately and I've found the positive. It's not negative! I do talk a lot about things, and I know, sometimes think too much, and read a lot, but it's not to put responsibility on someone else's shoulders. It's actually research. I'm curious about the world. I want to bring in as much information about a situation as I can. I want to know, what does it look like energetically? What does a doctor say? What about a chiropractor? Does that jive with what I think? Did my dear friend go through the same thing when her child was 3 months old? If so does it feel similar to my kid? What does the tarot say about my relationship? Does it jive with my experience?What does Dr. Helen Fisher say about the chemistry of love? I can obsess over things, for sure, and sometimes it's just my analytical mind going round and round over something. But this researching mode, in the best sense is a touchstone for my intuition. I bring information into my energy space and if it rings true to me I keep it. I do this until I feel I have a complete picture of the issue at hand, and each piece has a part to play. Sometimes a new story comes into being by doing this activity. Sometimes I find peace. Sometimes I find the information I need to just do what I knew I needed to do in the first place. So here I am years later, after having pulling a bunch of information in about archetypes and I realize the scholar is something that rings true for me, and when I accept that archetype then something I thought was a negative, becomes a positive. And some part of myself is loved once again!