Willow

There is darkness inside of me. At night the image of a flashing knife and soft flesh comes to me and it is so vivid that I know. I know what it is like to sacrifice a little one. I know what it is like to give up my own flesh, by my own hand. There was a time when I allowed darkness to consume me that much.

Perhaps it was only a dream. Yet even then they say that to the body, dreams register in the brain as real as the door you open or the friend you hug. The reactions are the same. So to me, whether I think it was another lifetime memory, or a dream conjured by my subconscious I would say either way I experienced that darkness.

As a mother, to see an image of myself sacrificing an infant is particularly disturbing. The fact that that idea crossed my mind even a little bit freaks me out. I think though the gift of those images is to give me an experience of life, so different my peaceful loving existence, so that I am once again joined to the creative experience of all souls. Even those that choose lifetimes of evil. I hope that these images remind me to remove judgment, there but for the grace of god go I. We are all spirits walking the path of being human and there are a myriad of experiences to choose. Instead of struggling with the pretense that I am all light, always good, I choose to have these thoughts remind me that I am dark and light. I am a mix of light and shadow, we all are. To resist that too much is to begin become a lie. To resist too much is to become that darkness, even when your intent is to avoid that. There is life and death, good and bad. Again and again I choose the path of light. But there were times I didn't.

Over several lifetimes a soul could be bending towards the light. This lifetime perhaps he or she zigged instead of zagged. Perhaps this lifetime they got an F but at the end of days when they are judged, turns out they got A's in everything else and were considered at the top of their class. It is not up to me to judge an individuals life path. We all choose to learn in different ways. It is up to me though to be an assistance to those souls who would like to sort through the darkness to find their true selves. To accept, to forgive, to grieve and to move on, zigging once again towards the light.

I am so full this day, so large with love and home and family. I feel the light of love illuminating my eyes and beaming out. In these days, that's an important thing. Constantly choosing to let your light shine, even though around you is news of darkness and hopelessness. Find that small thing that makes you happy and let that spark inside you grow. We need more of that now.