Musings and weanings

Tuesday night I began night weaning with Addison. at 11;15 is when we felt our pain. I held him as he struggled, wiggled, cried, protested mightily. And strangely I felt gentle and kind. This is not always the case I'm ashamed to admit. But this night I remained calm. I had a vision of us....I pictured him as fish, a big fish swimming in the deep and I was the strong sailor on my ship, bringing him in for my family. To feed my family and keep them alive. I could feel him struggling and fighting; I could not see the fish that caused me so much labor...This image reminded me of his birth, where he struggled against me and I had to labor to bring him into this world, or risk loosing both of us. I felt I was the hook in his mouth, and yet also his anchor, his rock. He was on a ship, and I was the rock and safe harbor, or I was the anchor keeping him safe in a storm. Things raged about us, he raged, and yet i stayed steady and calm. It was my job to stay steady and calm, and after an hour he floated off into sleep. I kept thinking to him that I would always be here, I would always be his anchor when he needed it. I would always be the hook the port, the rock, the anchor and he could rage as a storm, yet when he woke in the clear sunlight of dawn. I would smile at him. Read more!

Friday night, it's all right

Mr Man is sleeping in his crib. The Big Mr. Man is out for a few drinks and I find myself home, home and alone...god I should work. Yes I did open some work. but then I started thinking I needed some music. and a beer. yeah a beer I looked for Pretty Hate Machine on itunes. Did you know Trent Reznor has an issue with itunes? It's awesome, so it's not available. But then I got a couple of Marilyn Manson tracks, and bucking my purist, god please buy an effing album thoughts and judgments of my own, I just bought a few tracks. GASP So now I'm listening to The Beautiful People from Antichrist Superstar and wondering what work I wanted to get done anyway. Is it ethically responsible to do bookkeeping while drinking? hmmmm.

As the music changes into Interpol's Take you on a cruise I find I can think a little and I'm remembering how I felt upstairs nursing A. to bed. I was feeling full of light, the deep deep knowledge that I am pure energy, that we are energy all of us. That everything is energy, and I felt merged with the darn bed and with A. And that was PRIOR to the beer....We will return to that light after we pass out of this physical realm. But while we're here we might as well nurse our babies, listen to Marilyn Manson, dance with our little girls and kiss our lovers, firmly on the mouth. As much as possible, over and over again, bringing the light to shine through our skin with every action every touch, from the spoon stirring dinner to the hand turning the key in the car, to the arms that soothe after a fall, to the lips that laugh and press against yours in the night. Shine your light....and wow, could that be more whiplash writing? hmmmm... well it's a very accurate picture of my thoughts tonight anyway. Read more!

Apartment Therapy, Week Four, Five and Six

I'm all over the place for the last few weeks. But I think we'll manage to pull it all together when Week Eight finally rolls around. So to catch up, from Week Four, I identified where we need to increase color and where we need to increase softness. This house was suffering from too much hardness....ahem which normally I'd say was a good thing, but jokes aside, as you can see I've started identifying a color palette for our home. We've picked out paint for the living room, and for Addison's room. Doing this has made so many things easier! So just this week I made a list of everything I want for the whole house to pull things together. As for actually adding the softness (Week Five) I purchased a rug, which you can see in the living room.


This was from Cost Plus for $500.00. It's mostly wool, which is what I was looking for eco wise, and it's thick and feels good underfoot. so maybe another of these under the dining table, then with painting I should be able to find curtains, and that adds the softness we were missing.





From Week Six I did some lighting in the kitchen, it was always dark when washing dishes, but no longer! Additionally I hooked up and fixed up the existing in cabinet lights. I'll need to do some more work on those, but I like it! Also from week six, I went through and de-cluttered the bathroom closets and I brought some reds into the bathroom and worked on making it nicer for guests, putting paper out in an obvious spot, and adding washcloths. You can see the red as my accent color is showing up all over the house.

Week Six is also about painting, so I think here is where I will pause again, to prime Addison's room, and paint samples on the walls in the living room. The house is starting to feel really good! OOH OHH I also bought some plates so we have a set of 8 now, and we don't have to keep rewashing the two bowls we had! So that's back from Week Two!

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone. I like to remove this holiday from it's Native American connotations, just cause sorry, it gives me the willies to celebrate when that culture started to be dominated and eradicated. Sorry family for my deeply liberal stance! What I do like though is the gratitude part of this holiday. So for everyone reading, know that I am deeply thankful for our health, our home, our family. And thankful for you my friends. Read more!

Apartment Therapy Week Four (Pause)

Well I got stalled out. Here's a photo to explain why....he's cute right? I mean gosh, you would chase him around all day too, wouldn't you? I got stalled, working on his room, trying to figure out what to do next, trying to just keep the house semi clean and together while we tear everything apart. I am not sleeping much, and I feel delirious and cranky at times. I find some days I'm thinking OMG get these kids away from me, and at the end of the day I'm weeping with how much I love them. The work on the house must stop, because I must nap, and small boys must giggle and be chased across the floor, and small girls need to do homework and snuggle and have gymnastics. My life is full of tiny details....but stay tuned...
In regards to apartment therapy... I wish I had a good style tray. My style tray is lacking, which makes it hard to purchase or decide on anything!! I was going to buy a rug at Ikea today, three actually, but the thought that I may be throwing of my "style" threw me for a loop. Not to mention the fact that the rug I want is $399 and it might not even be right???!! Gosh the rugs I fall in love with are in the thousand dollar price range...so $399 is inexpensive, but still gives me pause. I checked my intuition at the register and deshopped. Left everything there in the aisle. I realized as I drove to Ashbey lumber that I needed a door for Addison's room. And that was $250.00 I needed that more than a carpet that might not be right. The door is a known quantity. So another week goes by, the rain has started, my baby is asleep, tomorrow is the school harvest festival, and the man of my dreams works at the kitchen table. Life, ya know? it's good...Hope yours is too. Read more!