Fairy Camp

Getting Ready for Fairycamp tomorrow. Class Title is, "Psyche, You have the power!"

Learn the power you have in your own heart and mind. Utilizing a pendant that seeks the truth you will find that you can indeed affect the physical world with your thoughts. Spoonbending with 6-10 year old girls...OMG pray for me! How exciting! Read more!

Fathers Day

When you talk about love stories, of finding "The One" that is our story. We both just knew it was right. Seeing him with our son and my daughter makes it feel more right every day. He is loving and kind, gracious and funny. He respects my daughter's relationship with her own father and gives that the maximum space he can. I know that later in life she will appreciate that. When I started actively trying to wake up in my life I hoped when I was radiating my true self that I would attract my true love. It wasn't the goal, but being a romantic I couldn't help but hope.

I painted this for him on Fathers Day from a photo that came out of a day that we spent together with Addison at Middle Harbor Park in Oakland. We were trying out my Mothers Day present, a Canon Rebel. My first digital SLR. I haven't shot since Mothers Day 2006 I think, so it is taking a lot of getting used to. We both love the industrial scenes at Middle Harbor Park. The cranes are right there and you can see the new bridge going over the bay, hugging the old. I don't paint really. I mean I've done a little of many art forms, but its not a part of my life on a regular basis. I had this canvas from years ago when J. bought it as a birthday gift. It's sat there for years, blank white, waiting for me to do something. The painting nor the photo are perfect, but I didn't let that stop me this time. Sometimes I realize that is the thing that keeps me from creating, the idea that things have to be perfect.

Well here's to imperfect creativity then, and to the perfect man for me. Here's to many more creations together!

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A reading of my own

I often check in with other healers on my own stuff. When I was enrolled at Creative Fire I would get weekly check ins as part of class. But since I've been home and centered in the east bay I most often schedule check ins with my mentor Liliana Barzola at Lotus Lantern Healing Arts. Checking in with a healer is such a good feeling. I feel I can direct my attention to things in my body that have been evasive in my own sight, and energies that I pick up from working with clients. No matter what is covered in a session I feel I've spent time on healing for me and that is such a rich and wonderful experience to give to the self. Recently I had a session with Eliel Fionn. Eliel is a wonderful intuitive and I had the honor of working with her years ago in a small group face reading session. A very dear friend of mine works with Eliel on a regular basis and spoke highly of her soul reading session. I thought this would be fun so I emailed Eliel and scheduled a time. Fun is a big motivator for me. Although I feel that I'm a pretty serious person most of the time I also have this huge desire to be a cut up whenever someone ELSE is being serious. Years ago I was talking to a dear friend and business partner and he asked me what I really wanted in life, it was a serious conversation as I was having a hard time in my personal life. I broke out and said completely spontaneously, "I want to have FUN!". It's true. I don't really understand what life is for if it's not to have a good time. All the people in the world suffering mystify me they really do. All the suffering we cause and accept ourselves it's amazing to me. Anyway all of this just to say that fun is a huge motivator to me and the reason I first sought a reading from a clairvoyant, just for fun. So last Friday I booked time with Eliel. What a fun time! I got a lot of information, what was really fun was I could hear the things I said about myself over the years in her stories about my soul and my past lives. Here are some archtypical themes that she spoke about.

1. The Seer/Prophet - I have a struggle with my gifts. For many lives I've hidden these away. The longing that I had this lifetime as a child to experience magic, and as an adult to experience God. These things she said are good, because they show a longing to return to my true self. That self is a seer/prophet.

2. Scholar - I have been well trained in many lifetimes. I have a longing for knowledge to understand my own abilities. So my search for my own abilities includes much reading and studying. Very true. Part of me feels like I can't offer my services to others without a firm grounding in the information.

3. Artistic - Whether leading a life as an artist or not, I am artistic about what I do, but practical. I love to build things that are useful. I am interested more in the question of "what is creativity" Not just creating, but why we create. The thing that rang really true here is I have a leaning towards non-traditional schedules. I have a hard time working for others.

4. I love my Freedom - True. And I want others to have it to. I have always thought there is something more to life than just working and putting food on the table. This has lead me to some funny places, and in many lifetimes, much trouble. But I believe firmly in the freedom of our own thoughts. That integrity to self is important.

5. Builder Archetype - I am a leader, but prefer leading "with" people rather then at the front of the group alone. And this comes from a desire to have something continue without me. I figure if there isn't one leader, than the movement can't die. I like self sustaining organizations and empowering others. I like starting businesses, things that on the outside fit in with the status quo, yet internally are radically humanitarian. I"m very careful to camouflage myself. Often part of a culture and rebelling from within. True True. I've often said how much I love to be able to blend in.

6. I find myself curious about suffering. Why do we suffer? I understand the body has to die, but why do we build cultures to suffer? This question fascinates me.

7. Relationships - I like to partner with people. I've done it a lot, worked with groups to get things done.

8. Nurturer/Mother - Because of my experience with so much suffering I want to comfort people. Something for me to keep in mind is that I am not obligated to serve. I guess the sign "I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" should be posted on my chest. Or was that "no shirt, no shoes, no service"? It's important for me to have boundaries and know who is a friend and who is not.

There was a lot more, of course some I will keep for myself, and some I just couldn't write down or remember consciously. Although all the moments and images she was drawing from didn't feel or sound familiar at all times, it felt like she was somehow shaping an image of who I am. The slightly rebellious, curious me, the me that ponders why, the me that declared she was an artist even though her family stared in surprise. The me who welcomes openly other peoples beliefs and loves, the me that's started multiple businesses and mostly ends up working for herself.

I love how gracious Eliel is and how her words just flow from her like a liquid pool of light. After speaking with her I felt like electricity was running through my upper chakras. I vibrated with it and afterwards ate a nice fat lunch to ground me back in my body.

The timing must be right. Right time right place, right set and setting. Everything happens as it should and I love feeling the validation and clearing that working with a gifted clairvoyant can provide.

Thank you Eliel!



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thought and memory

There are a few ideas that I just accept as true. I realize that I have faith actually but to me it doesn't seem like faith, because it's built on personal experience. Of course this experience as an acquaintance loved to point out is almost completely internal. So it doesn't really qualify for scientific truth. I can't measure it. Yet, many of our memories of life are not verifiable. And no one would argue with me that I actually experienced mashing jelly fish with my best friend on the Severn river. People just accept those stories of life as real and true, so I'm saying you'll have to accept that I've experienced a lot in my personal quest (yes I have a rich inner life) for the divine and these experiences have lead me to several ideas. First, is the idea of multiple incarnations. Second, the idea that our brains can store information outside of the body. Third and I suppose the overreaching idea that there is a reality behind this reality. That we come from somewhere prior to being born in this life.

I suppose for some people these are all a bit hard to accept, but for me these are the items that come with my faith. It is belief in a unifying spirit or energy that leads me to accept these things and it's that belief and acceptance of these things that supports my conscious assimilation and explanation of the images I see while working with clients. And it's those images I've been wondering about lately. Why is it that spirits communicate in images? I don't know if I can come up with the answer to that, but I can certainly spend some time with the question.

In my twenties I was fascinated by the sheer amount of information that we are communicating to each other. I frequently found myself wondering WHAT it was that we were so busily trying to say to each other. I always thought it was something more than "Drink Coke-a-Cola" you know? We tell each other stories using images and we sell each other things using the same images. If you look around yourself, you can see all the mediums we use to communicate: Billboards, TV Film, plays, dance, internet, even the stories we read use language designed to stimulate your mind to create images. Descriptive language.

Memories are often recalled the same way. We have fleeting images that appear in our minds of points of our life, the birth of our children, that popsicle you had as a kid after school on a hot summer day, the sound of the ocean on the hawaiin beach where you spent your honeymoon, the day you met your beloved, the first kiss you shared. We think and see in images. (not totally I know, bear with me here. I'm not saying we ALL ONLY think in images, just that it's a ubiquitous method of storing information). And this perhaps is part of the reason we see and communiate in images.

Somehow we store these memories for later access. Cellular memory is the idea that we store memories in our body not just inside the brain. Not a scientifically proven idea, but a lot of anecdotal stories support this. There is also a new theory that we store information outside our body. There is an idea out there that we use the mind like a terminal that accesses data on a remote server. I'm not a scientist, so I'm probably doing that new age psedu-science here....so bear with me, but Jung names the collective unconscious as where we store information culturally. I have heard it called the Akashic records, as Ervin Lazlow discusses in his book, "Science and the Reenchantment of the Cosmos. The Rise of the Integral Vision of Reality"

The Akashic Records is a term used to describe a theoretical non physical library of all consciousness in all realities. I myself do not find it theoretical, having accessed this place myself while in trance, and also having journeyed there with a shaman. I suppose when we talk about fate, this is what we are talking about. This hall of records where the details of your life are already stored. This idea that your life is scripted out for you, is born up by the Akashi Records idea, but it's my thought that you are the one who writes the script, so fate is actually set by you. The big points in your life, the big lessons you need to learn, these things are decided by you. So the whole resistance of fate becomes silly and moot, you'd just be resisting yourself.

Anyway. I'm trying to keep to one thought stream here, the Akashic Records is just another facet to the idea I"m working on.

So back to the memories. They are visual things, typically, and can include other information, such as sound and smell, but mostly it's an image. So the energetic body of a person stores these images. And you can store these images over multiple incarnations, accessing them through the Akashic Records AND/OR storing them in your energetic body. These can become part of your energetic make up so much so that your body in this lifetime can manifest lessons learned from previous times. Memories are like pearls in our energetic/physical space. An example that I was given by a landmark teacher was this, you're about two years old. You're coloring on your wall with crayon, having a great time. The way the color rubs off on the wall, the way it looks and feels, you're totally into it, loving it. Engaged on the second, fifth and six chakra perhaps, creativity, communication and imagination...

Then your mother comes in and yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" You become confused. This was a pleasurable experience, a creative one, suddenly it feels wrong. You decide something in that moment, you create a belief system. Perhaps "I'll never be creative again, because when I am I get yelled at." Or perhaps you just store your mother's energy there, her need to have things clean and beautiful. You store this energy, perhaps in your second, fifth and six chakras. As you grow older, layers are deposited around this, other life experiences where you're punished for speaking out, memories to support this belief system that you've accumulated as you interact with other people in life. People are attracted to you because of it. As the layers grow you may move this memory into your unconciousness.

This becomes a touchstone for you in life, you find yourself unable to create, and when you do sit down to create something it feels defiant, like you're trying to prove something. Or maybe you don't create at all, you find yourself compulsively cleaning your home all the while thinking, why am I doing this?

Suddenly a life experience is trapped in your energetic field. Something big enough will be transported from lifetime to life time, these experiences make up the Self that has the ability of self conciousness over many lifetimes. These experience can become part of who you are, even if you don't have conciousness of multiple lives. The person who is afraid of boats, yet has never lived near the ocean. The child afraid of dogs, who has never in this life had a bad experience with one. The musical wonderchild.

Imagine many lifetimes of experiences and layers around a memory/image. These layers often protect you from a very troubling memory. Most spirits try to avoid pain, these layers create pearls of protection that then become "programs", ways of being, or belief systems that we think are just "how we are".

As a spirit begins to get curious about these areas, begins to focus attentionon a way of being, these layers can be shed, worked through etc. Perhaps you realize that your mother is always in your thoughts when you are cleaning. Or perhaps there is confusion, suddenly you can't remember why you were thinking about a particular. Suddenly you're sleepy a lot or absent minded when thinking about why nothing new seems to be coming to you. Awareness that is a way of being or a layer around an image as protection for your being is not neccessary at this point. It is only necessary to keep focused on what your experience is now. What is causing you to check out?

I find in thinking over these things I only have more questions. Why do we choose to carry things from lifetime to life time. Why do we incarnate if only to forget and then to remember again? And still, why are things accessable as images? Is it that how the concious mind can take transcental information and move it into this physical body? Vibrations translated into images translated into concious thinking and ways of being?

My little pandora's box just keeps spewing more to look at!



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